WARNING: Some of you may unfriend us, block us, and/or never
speak to us again. We are saddened by those who decide to do so. I will
probably cry over the loss of friends and/or family who may never want to
associate with me/us again, but we are prepared for it to happen. We want you
to know, this is NOT easy for us. We (or at least I) have been terrified to
come out with this, for fear of what friends, and especially family will think.
NOTE: We
know many LDS members who read these things get a "sick feeling."
This is normal. It is NOT Satan, and it is not God saying this is false. This
is the best way I can explain this feeling: this "sick feeling" is like
if you grew up without your dad and your mom tells you your whole life he died
as a hero, was a fantastic, loving dad and husband. But as a teen or adult you
find out that your dad is spending a life sentence for rape, murder, and other
atrocities. You would get that same sick feeling. You wouldn't want to believe
it, but you know it's true. That is NOT the Devil. That is a fact that goes
against everything you grew up believing. You feel like your whole life has
been a lie. And no matter how painful it is, no matter how sick about it you
feel, no matter how much you wish it wasn't true. The facts are right there and
you now know the truth.
Elder M. Russell Ballard asked many, many questions to those
questioning their faith (LDS church) during October 2016 General Conference.
Braden and I have chosen to answer them. We usually try to avoid saying
anything about things we don’t agree with, but this was too much for us to
ignore. We need to answer these, and we need to clear things up for you guys. I
will post the time in the GC video clip these questions are asked (min:sec)
Q1: 3:51 “If you choose to become inactive or leave the (1) restored
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, (2) where will you go? (3) What
will you do?”
A: (1) The restored church: Matthew 16:18 says, “And I say also unto thee, That thou art
Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall
not prevail against it.” If there was a great apostasy, then that would be
classified as the gates of hell prevailing over the church. But, Jesus said
that will never happen! There was no need for Jesus’ church to be restored
because it was never lost to begin with. Jesus’ church survived and continued
throughout time. How did the church survive? Colossians 1:18 “And he is the head of the body, the church:…”
1 Corinthians 12:12-14, 27 “For as the
body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being
many, are one body: so also is Christ.
For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles,
whether we be bond or free; and
have been all made to drink into one Spirit. For the body is not one member,
but many… Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.” The
church has always been the body (individuals) of believers.
(2) Where will you go? This is asked as if there is nowhere
else to go? Of course there are plenty of places to go. Many people, after
leaving the church, has a hard time following other religions/churches. Many do
have a hard time continuing to believe in God and Jesus, because they feel like
they have been lied to all their life and guard themselves from that happening
again. Or they always had a different view of life, God, Jesus, any form of deity
and have decided to be true to themselves and follow the path that feels right
or true to them. This can be atheist, agnostic, pagan, scientology, Celtic, Muslim,
catholic, Christianity, or something completely different. As for me and
Braden, we chose mainstream Christianity and have been going to Fundamental Baptist
Churches for the last 1.5 years. Yes, we are now considered “born-again
Christians.”
(3) What will you do? We will do whatever we want! We still
do not drink (we have tasted wine and we thought it was disgusting…sorry wine
lovers). We still do not do drugs. We DO drink coffee (GASP!), and we do drink caffeinated
teas (GASP AGAIN!). We also go to church, bible study, and other activities
that help us draw closer to God. We still read the Bible, yes we still read
KJV. I wear shorter shorts, I wear things that reveals my shoulders and some of
my back, I wear tank tops. We shop on Sundays. We do family activities on
Sundays, we let our kids play at the park on Sundays. Amazingly, NONE of these
things stop my relationship with God from growing! As a matter of fact, the
practically only music I like to listen to now is worship music! I have a
REALLY hard time listening to anything else.
Q2: 4:15 “There may be some doctrine, some policy, some bit
of history that puts you at odds with your faith.”
A: Yup, that pretty much sums it up. The amazing thing is
most everything members of the LDS church believe are “anti-mormon” and lies
about the church are ACTUALLY and in FACT true! Does it make it anti-mormon? Nope,
it’s just fact.
Q3 (Statement): 4:22 “We must not assume that just because
something is unexplainable by us, it is unexplainable.”
A: Elder Ballard, what things are you referring to as
unexplainable? Many of us who have left the church can assume what you mean,
but can you explain it to those who are not questing, or have never questioned,
and especially those who have never heard any of the so-called “anti-mormon” things?
Here’s the thing, these things are not explainable by the church or members
because they (the church) does not accept the explanation. The explanation is
right there! Many people ask us, “Why do you feel the need to prove things? You
never did before!” Our answer to that is 1) we’ve had some of these questions “up
on a shelf” for years. It finally got so great that we searched for answers. 2)
1 Thessalonians 5:21 “PROVE all things; hold fast that which is good.” Yes,
there are good things in the LDS church, but we felt like we were living a lie
staying in a church that tells us to be honest, but aren’t honest themselves,
and tells us to just believe and follow everything the LDS Prophet and Apostles
tell us, and yet, the bible tells us to PROVE all things. We tried to stay in,
but we couldn’t without feeling like we were lying to ourselves. Some of you
may have found out some (or all) of the same things we did and are still happy
in the church, and still believe in the church. Good for you, we’re happy for
you. We just couldn’t do it. And guess what, we ARE happy and it’s NOT fake,
and it’s NOT temporary!
Q4 (Plea): 5:36 “So, before you make that spiritually
perilous choice to leave, I encourage you to stop and think carefully what it
was that brought you to your testimony of the restored church of Jesus Christ
in the first place, stop and think about what you felt here and why you felt
it. Think about the times the Holy Ghost has born witness to you of eternal
truths.”
A: Here’s the thing: all religions, including cults have
some kind of spiritual experience that people believe that is their proof their
religion is the truth! Watch this video to see what I mean: https://youtu.be/ycUvC9s4VYA
Braden and I do not believe in any religion being the one and only true
religion. We do, however, believe in God and believe in having a relationship
with Him. We of course do want others to experience what we have, but we also
support individual choices. We have come across other friends who have left the
church, chose a different path than us, but are also experiencing a
relationship with God/deity/the universe. They too feel more free and happy
than before, just like us.
Q5: 6:07 “Where will you go to find others who share your
beliefs in a personal, loving Heavenly parents who teach us how to return to
their eternal presence? Where will you go to be taught about a savior who is
your best friend?”
A:
Granted, our Christian friends do not believe in a Heavenly Mother, and we
personally are not concerned about whether or not there is a Heavenly Mother.
However, they have taught us how to join God’s kingdom and be in His presence in
Heaven. Here is what we learned, but first a little back history on what the
LDS Church teaches, even though most of you reading this already knows. Nephi
taught in 2 Nephi 25:23 “For we labor
diligently … to persuade our children … to believe in Christ, and to be
reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do” Moroni said, “Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in
him, and deny yourselves of all
ungodliness; and if ye
shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for
you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ” (Moroni 10:32).
According to Elder Dallin H. Oaks, “If we
use the word salvation to mean ‘exaltation,’ it is premature for any of us to
say that we have been ‘saved’ in mortality. That glorious status can only
follow the final judgment of Him who is the Great Judge of the living and the
dead.” (Ensign, May, 1998). According to LDS teachings, we can never know
for sure if we will make it into God’s kingdom until we have died and have been
judged. However, 1 John 5:13 says, “These
things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that
ye may know that ye have
eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.” We
can KNOW if we will make it
into God’s kingdom or not. We don’t have to guess or worry about it. How can we
know? First, Romans 3:10 states, “There
is none righteous, no, not one.” Romans 3:23, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” ALL of
us are sinners. No one is more righteous than the other and that includes
worthiness to enter a temple. Romans 5:6,8 says, “For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the
ungodly. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet
sinners, Christ died for us.” There is no “after all we can do” because we
have no strength of our own to do all we can do. Romans 6:23 says, “The wages of sin is death; but, the gift of
God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Jesus fully satisfied
“the wages of sin” when He offered himself as a sacrifice for the sins of the
world. And, on the cross, He purchased a gift that He offers to all. The gift
is ETERNAL LIFE! A gift is not a gift if it must be earned. Eternal life was
bought and paid for by Jesus. A gift is also not ours if we do not accept the
gift. We cannot earn eternal life by our works (service, temple attendance,
tithing, etc). In Galatians 2:21 the Apostle Paul said, “I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness comes by the
law, then Christ is dead in vain.” If we could earn eternal life by keeping
the law and working our way into heaven, which would mean making ourselves
worthy, then Christ would have died in vain. But Christ did not die in vain, He
died to save us. 1 Corinthians 1:18 “For
the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us
which are saved it is the power of God.” He sacrificed himself for our sins
on the cross, not in Gethsemane.
If we cannot work our way into
heaven, then how do we get into heaven? Romans 10:9-10 teaches, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth
the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from
the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto
righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.” I
know most, if not all, members of the LDS church know that Jesus sacrificed
himself for us. But there is a difference between knowledge and believing with
your heart. For instance, we (Braden and Shreyna) were born and raised in the
LDS church. We knew (in our heads) that Jesus died for us, and because of that
he forgives us with our sins. But when we did something wrong, we felt God
would forgive everyone else but us. We felt everyone else was more righteous
for God do forgive them. Yet, we knew that he died for us, but it was hard for
us to believe he would forgive us and accept our broken heart and repentance.
With believing in our heart that Jesus died and was raised from the dead, we
know longer worry if God will forgive us. We know we are unworthy, because we
are all sinners, but we have accepted God’s gift and invited him into our lives
and heart. It’s because of that acceptance of His gift that He forgives us and
we KNOW of a surety our salvation, which we did not earn through works. In
Ephesians 2:8-9, the Apostle Paul preached the same message, “For by grace are ye saved through faith;
and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man
should boast.” Grace is not granted “after all we can do” or “if we deny
ourselves of all ungodliness.” Grace is God’s gift to us in spite of our
unrighteousness. Grace is not grace if it must be earned. Do you KNOW if you have been saved
through God gift of grace? All you need to do is A) admit you are a sinner and
ask God to forgive you. B) Believe in your heart that Jesus died on the cross
for your sins. And C) Confess that Jesus is your Lord. We know we are sinners,
and we ask him every day to forgive us of our sins. Being saved from our sins
by excepting God’s gift does not give us a free ticket to sin. When we are
saved, we become a “new creature” (2 Corinthians 5:17) with the desire to do
righteous things. But we are still human, we still battle our desires of the
flesh. We still need to repent of our sins after being saved. Being saved is
the beginning of a relationship with God. We need to read and study the Word of
God, the Bible to grow and strengthen our relationship with Him. We believe in
our hearts that Jesus died on the cross to save us from our sins. We love
sharing the good news Of Jesus’ loving sacrifice and declaring him as our Lord,
Savior, and God to those around us. Jesus is more of our best friend than when
we were following the teachings of the LDS church.
Q6: 7:19 Where will you go to find a
detailed, inspired church organization, a structure through which you are
taught, supported by men and women who are deeply committed to serving the Lord
by serving you and your family?”
A: Again, the Baptist Church, our
home church, we attend, and the other Baptist churches we use to go to, have
done this in MORE ways than the LDS church EVER has for us! Most people don’t
know this, but while we lived in Utah, I (Shreyna) was so depressed. I was so
depressed that I was borderline suicidal! I didn’t want to take my own life,
and I didn’t want to put my kids and husband through that trauma. But, I did
want to die. I wanted a freak car accident to happen and cause me to die! (No
the car accident I did get in to was NOT on purpose, that was totally an
accident, and I was, and still am, glad I’m alive!). Why was I so depressed? I
had no support system! Oh we had support financially, but we had none
spiritually or emotionally. I did (and still do) absolutely love my visiting
teachers I had, and the ladies I visited. It was a breath of fresh air when
they came, and I loved that they visited for an hour. That was probably the
best support I did have, but it wasn’t enough. On top of that, I had
neighbors/ward members who I thought were my friends. Instead, they judged us
as parents. And we can only assume they spread horrible rumors about us because
people we talked to all the time all of a sudden stopped talking to us when
there was no issue between us and them. We felt unsafe around them. I asked
them to talk to me directly when there was a problem between them and my kids
and/or me, they never did! Instead, they called the cops! We were terrified of
what was going to happen if we stayed! We literally locked up our house to keep
our kids safe inside, but that caused more behavior issued in our children. For
those who wondered why we moved so quickly and separated our family for a year,
THAT is why! It was emotionally, spiritually, and mentally UNSAFE for us to
stay! Moving was THE BEST thing we did! We moved to Alabama and I got therapy
to help me heal from the trauma of living in Utah (the place that is supposed
to provide the MOST support). I graduated from my therapy after 6 weeks because
I had been ready for years to heal from the sh** we went through in Utah. I’m
sorry, there literally is no better word to explain our experience. However,
the hurt is NOT why we left the church! We think it’s ridiculous for us to
leave a religion because of being hurt or offended by people, but we COMPLETELY
understand when people do. It’s better to leave an abusive environment than to
stay in it because that’s where you are “supposed” to be, that’s where your
records are. (Note: Not all LDS wards are this way. The one in Alabama that we
attended occasionally with my family was absolutely wonderful and I love and
miss them all). We got support from our Baptist church in Alabama, but
unfortunately, we lived 30 min from the church, so we weren’t able to participate
as much as we wanted, and they wanted to be able to help us more when we needed
it, but the distance made it a little more difficult). Our Home Baptist church
here in Washington has been absolutely AMAZING! We have NEVER asked for help
(except a glucometer and rides to and from church when I didn’t have my car and
Braden wasn’t here), but they would see a need and IMMEDIATELY help us out!
They didn’t even ask us if we needed the help, they just said we are going to
help you, and did. I have even been through some emotionally hard times since
moving to Washington, but are too personal to talk about. They let us talk,
gave us the emotional support we needed, and even found us a great therapist to
help us further! LDS wards are NOT the only place you can find the help and
support they need. We do not worry at all about having a support system,
because we have one!
Q7: 7:37 Where will you go by
finding (1) living prophets and apostles who are called by God to give you (2) another
resource for counsel, understanding, comfort, and inspiration for the
challenges of the day?”
A: (1) Hebrews 1:1-3 “God,
who at sundry times and in divers manners spake in TIME PAST unto the fathers by the prophets, Hath IN THESE LAST DAYS days spoken unto us
by his SON, whom he hath appointed
heir of all things, by whom also he made the worlds; Who being the brightness
of his glory, and the express image of his person, and upholding all things by
the word of his power, when he had by himself purged our sins, sat down on the
right hand of the Majesty on high:” We no longer need a Prophet. Prophets
were appointed in the Old Testament. But, Jesus is now our Prophet (and most
importantly our Savior) and there is no need for any other Prophet. Ephesians
4:8-13 “Wherefore he saith, When he
ascended up on high, he led captivity captive, and GAVE GIFTS unto men. (Now that he ascended, what is it but that he
also descended first into the lower parts of the earth? He that descended is
the same also that ascended up far above all heavens, that he might fill all
things.) And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists;
and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work
of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in
the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect
man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:” This
passage is talking about the GIFTS
of apostles (messenger/missionary) and prophets (gift of prophecy) NOT the office of apostles and
prophets. When the N.T. apostles were looking for a replacement for Judas, they
said in Acts 1:21-26 “Wherefore of these
men which have companied with us all the time that the Lord Jesus went in and
out among us, Beginning from the baptism of John, unto that same day that he
was taken up from us, must one be ordained to be a witness with us of his
resurrection. And they appointed two, Joseph called Barsabas, who was surnamed
Justus, and Matthias. And they prayed, and said, Thou, Lord, which knowest the
hearts of all men, shew whether of these two thou hast chosen, That he may take
part of this ministry and apostleship, from which Judas by transgression fell,
that he might go to his own place. And they gave forth their lots; and the lot
fell upon Matthias; and he was numbered with the eleven apostles.” The
requirement was for an apostle to be a LITERAL
eyewitness of Jesus Christ from the beginning of his ministry to his
resurrection. Here’s another proof of that requirement: Acts 5:29-32 “Then Peter and the other apostles answered
and said, We ought to obey God rather than men. The God of our fathers raised
up Jesus, whom ye slew and hanged on a tree. Him hath God exalted with his
right hand to be a Prince and a Saviour, for to give repentance to Israel, and
forgiveness of sins. And we are his witnesses of these things; and so is also
the Holy Ghost, whom God hath given to them that obey him.” The apostle Paul
exclaims: 1 Corinthians 9:1 “Am I am not an apostle? am I not free? have I not
seen Jesus Christ our Lord? are not ye my work in the Lord?” Paul saw Jesus on
the road to Damascus. 1 Corinthians 15:7-8 “After
that, he (Christ) was seen of James; then of ALL the apostles. And LAST
of all he was seen of me also, as of one born out of due time.” Paul was
the last Apostle. We don’t need prophets and apostles today to rebuild or build
a foundation for a church. Christ and his Apostles from the N.T. already did
that. 2 Peter 1:12-14 “Wherefore I will
not be negligent to put you always in remembrance of these things, though ye
know them, and be ESTABLISHED in the
PRESENT truth. Yea, I think it meet,
as long as I am in this tabernacle (body), to stir you up by putting you in
remembrance; Knowing that shortly I must put off this my tabernacle (die), even
as our Lord Jesus Christ hath shewed me. Moreover I will endeavour that ye may
be able after my decease to have these things always in remembrance (his
written firsthand eyewitness of Jesus Christ, letters to churches, Bible).”
There is no need to build a foundation for something that is already
established and preserved. So yes, we are ok with being in a church that doesn’t
have living Prophets and Apostles on the earth.
(2) resources for counsel, understanding, comfort, and
inspiration… : See the answer for the last question.
Q8: 7:50 “Where will you go to find people who live by
prescribed set of values and standards you share and want to pass along to your
children and grandchildren?”
A: Again, my home church with Olympia Bible Baptist Church.
I also found people with the same values and standards at Victory Baptist
Church in Orem, UT (which is literally across the street from the ward we were
in), and we found them in Grace Baptist Church in Eufaula, AL. I also find them
in my dearest and closest friends from high school who I am forever grateful
for! ALL of them are Christians of different sects! I LOVED it! I loved our
diversity! I loved our open, non judgmental conversations! I loved learning
from each other! I miss it and I miss them terribly! I have seen pastor
families who has every single one of their children are now pastors, married to
pastors, or dedicating their lives to serving God. I have seen several
generations of families like this! I am in complete awe of them and I want my
family to be just like that. So again, we have no worries about that! I am sure
other families in our same situation but with different beliefs are surrounding
their children in the environment and social network with the same beliefs and
values.
Q9: 8:08 “Where will you go to experience the joy that comes
through the saving ordinances and covenants of the temple?”
A: See our previous answer for Q5. We don’t need to be saved
through works (or temple ordinances and covenants). That is the BEAUTY of
grace! I experience the joy of Jesus’ love and saving grace every day, even
during my hard and difficult days, even when I’m stressed, overwhelmed, and
tired. I experience this joy when I read my bible, pray, and go to church. I
even experience this joy when I’m out in nature!
Q10 (statement): “The answers to your questions (about the
church) are always there, and if we seek them, really seek them with full
intent and with full purpose of heart, prayerfully, we will eventually find
answers to our questions as we continue on the gospel path.”
A: Yes, you are right Elder Ballard, the answers ARE right
there. Yes, we searched, we sought, REALLY sought with full intent and full
purpose of heart, and prayerfully these findings and decision. It was extremely
hard as we know it was/is for SO MANY in our same situation/conclusion. The
answers are right there. Unfortunately, many of the answers are sugar coated by
the church on their website under their essays. We found firsthand accounts to
remove the sugar coating and get the facts (not rumors). We left EVERYTHING we
grew up in! That is NO easy decision to make. We wanted our findings to be
false, we wanted the LDS church to be true and right, but we also wanted to
know what the truth about the LDS church really was. We thought about staying
in the church just because almost all of our family is in it and it’s what we
grew up in. But, we didn’t want to feel like we were living a lie, and we knew
we would be doing that. We didn’t want to go through the motions. We didn’t
want to drift further from God by faking our way through. We wanted to draw
closer to Him and have a RELATIONSHIP with Him, not just head knowledge. We
found that with all the ordinances, covenants, having to speak to bishops/stake
presidents about problems in order to repent, etc, it was road blocks between
us and God. Now we have no one in between. I can repent (including big things)
directly to Him, there is no middle man, there is no middle work. It’s just us
and God! And by the way (yes, I know, he’s a great speaker, as my dad likes to
say), we left the gospel of the LDS church. We DID NOT leave the gospel of
Jesus Christ.
Q11 (statement): 10:22 “I have known those who have drifted
and returned after their trial of faith.”
A: Yup, I know MANY who have as well. I don’t know all their
circumstances, and I could be completely wrong…but from my findings, it seems
the never lost their testimony of the LDS church. They had been hurt, or
committed a sin where they had to work their way back into the church. From
what I could tell, they WANTED to stay in the church. However, there are MANY
more people who leave the church and don’t come back. Guess what, we fall under
the latter category. I hate to break it to you. We are NOT coming back! We don’t
mind coming to visit your ward when we are with you. Please, still invite us to
baptisms, baby blessings, enrichment night, etc. when we are with you or you
have a special occasion. We love you and want to support you and your family.
We still want to participate as family. We love you!
Q12 (plea): “My heartfelt plea is that we will encourage,
accept, understand, and love those who are struggling with their faith. We must
NEVER neglect any of our brothers and sisters.”
A: YES! Please do this! Encourage us to continue developing
a relationship with God!, You don’t have to agree with our decision, but
please, accept that this is OUR decision. We know it’s hard for you to fully
wrap your mind around what we know, what we have gone through, what we are
going through, and what we now believe. But please just understand that we don’t
hate you! Understand that we love you, we love our Mormon brothers and sisters.
Understand that for us, it’s about developing our relationship with God.
Understand, that we are still the same people. We still have the same interest,
desires, characteristics, but now we love spreading Jesus’ saving grace! We
also want you to understand, we are NO LONGER struggling with our faith. We came
to a decision, and we are beyond happy! We feel free, and we know God is still
with us! Please, just love us! We know that there are probably some of you who
will delete us from FB or block us and never speak to us again. We are saddened
by that possibility, but we are prepared for it. But think about this, is that
showing God’s love? We ask that you do NOT pity us or morn for us. We
understand why you may, and we understand that you may need some time to
process and mourn, just please don’t stay there too long. Please do NOT force
LDS doctrine back on to us to try to “bring us back to the fold.” We don’t want
you to do that, nor do we need you to do that. Please do NOT judge us. We got
enough of that in Utah. If you start judging us, criticizing us, or anything
negative and that’s all you do, we may need to delete or block you for a time.
Not because we don’t love you, but because we need to protect ourselves from negativity.
I (Shreyna) do not need to go down a depressive road again because of people I
love and care about hurting me and my family. We truly do love each of you. We
want to still be considered your friends and family. We don’t need to let
religion divide us. Please, let’s keep a Christ-like atmosphere between us. If
you read all the way through this, we thank you! We know this was long. If you
are interested in learning more about why we left, please read our next blog.
Love,
Braden and Shreyna Paxson
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